I did not receive a CLS. I didn't even get into the next round of applicants.
I still have to fill out several other scholarship requests, asking for money to continue my studies. The Boren would allow me to study in Egypt, and the FLAS would just give me money to continue studying in school.
I know that there wasn't much of a chance at getting the CLS, but it is still a bit of a bummer all the same. I feel like applying for the others is sort of pointless... This makes me feel like I'm not the person who should be doing this. Maybe I'm really not good enough to do what I want to do. I'm not brilliant at Arabic, but it is something that I truly want.
My heart is in this: the idea of helping make decisions that have an international impact. However, it'd be so much easier to switch and do something like business.
There are so many options for how to proceed. I could take an AIESEC internship this summer, or I could stay at U of I to take an intensive Arabic class. If I go with the AIESEC, I could either a) still study abroad next year, but go to Cairo or b)not study abroad. Then, junior year I'd either a)i) take half a year of Arabic and take a Vienna internship the second half of the year or a)ii) take a full year of Arabic junior year and not intern. Or, I could b) study abroad in Egypt during the second semester of junior year and take an AIESEC semester during senior year. If I go with the intensive class, I can study abroad in Alexandria like I'd like next year.
Lord knows there are probably more options than that that I'm not even considering. It's just messy. So many people aren't even worried about any of this at all... It would be nice if money were no object here. I know that my parents probably could pay for it all, but I really hate to ask that of them. It is a lot of money.
I also hate that my advisors who read my essays probably think of me as some overly ambitious freshman. Which... I suppose I am. Most people are just concentrated on not failing out of school. However, I just really want to do all of these things.
Sorry for the blabbing. I'm avoiding these FLAS essays... once I finish those, I will have to send out an e-mail requesting more letters of recommendation from professors I've had for only a semester. I feel dumb.